When Terri and I had been married (August 27th, 1977) for about a year
and three months, we were resting on our bed when a very strange
feeling came over me. It was a kind of "loneliness" that I had never
felt before. As I shared these feelings with Terri, I dawned on me
that it was a desire to become a father that was rising in me. We
shared that day about our mutual desire to become a parent. Almost
exactly nine months later, Luke was born--August 1979 in Little Rock
Arkansas.
Two years later in August, Lisa came into the world. Then three years
passed and Sam burst onto the scene--again in August . After moving
to Kansas City, via a short time in Michigan, and when Sam was almost
four, Mike was born--a July baby. And finally...last, but not least,
Steve arrived after another three years--hey, how did October sneak
into our family calendar?
Needless to say, we were thrust headlong into a very long stint of
parenthood. When we first talked about having kids, Terri thought we
might have two! She has been an amazing mom to our kids and I respect
her so highly for this. (One thing that she determined early on was
that she would never sacrifice our family on the altar of church
ministry. She set aside many of her God-encoded aspirations and
capacities for a more "public" kind of ministry--speaking, writing,
traveling, leading--to focus on just being a great mom who viewed her
kids as her first "ministry priority". This is one of her life
messages that I hope you'll get to hear more about in the days ahead.
And...those God-given dreams for a greater impact in ministry for
Christ?...they are now beginning to be fulfilled in her life. So watch
out world!)
When I share about parenting, I usually begin with referring to Psalm
127 verse 1:
"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders (us!) labor in vain."
This is a Psalm that is much to do with God and family--and His
"senior partnership" in the enterprise. I have observed that many
parents who are Jesus-followers, are afraid and uptight about how
their kids will turn out and that this fear has long-term counter-
productive effects on the chemistry of their family relations. Sadly,
sometimes "Christian" books on parenting have only fueled the fears--
ugh.
The first lesson that I have attempted to incorporate as a dad has
been to really trust the Lord (down deep in my guts--really, really,
really) with my kids' lives and futures. This ability is empowered by
a belief that we are just their parents and that we are not the Holy
Spirit. His job is simply too big for us--duh! We have to create an
environment about our family that makes room for God to be God to our
kids, and also...for us to be us--imperfect parents who are still in
process. God has never entrusted a baby to a totally wise and mature
parent--isn't He amazing? But He has no other choice...right?
No, being a successful dad is not about being infallible. Covering up
our immaturities, failures and weaknesses as parents drives our
children's hearts away from us. Being transparent, honest and humble
about them actually, and ironically, endears them to us (Don't you
"hate that"?). They instinctively know that we haven't been and
aren't yet perfected in God's love, and they become experts at
discerning pretense--especially when they become teens. So lesson
number one is the need for dads to be vulnerable before God...and also
before our kids. It's really a great kind of relief and release when
we "go there" as fathers.
Thank God, there's more to us than our weaknesses (and more needs to
be said about this), but God does give grace to the humble. So
dad's...have a humbly happy Father's Day!
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