Friday, June 29, 2007

Life Lessons as a Dad--Lesson Three cont'd

In these "deep" philosophical and theological discussions with my
kids, I would engage them in a "Socratic method" of teaching/
learning. I would seek to share complex concepts in simple language
and then ask them penetrating questions rather than impose
predetermined answers on them. I would do this randomly as life
"happened"-when we rose, drove, ate, tucked them in bed, read, prayed,
worked, went on family vacations, etc. (this always worked better for
us than traditional "family devotions"). They would wrestle with
puzzling questions about God, the universe and life. I made space for
their responsive questions and sometimes surprisingly profound answers
to emerge and rise in their hearts and minds. I would give them
respect as fellow learners in ways that they could feel and appreciate
it.

Terri would also engage with them in her own motherly style of
training. It became normal for us to simply "fellowship" with our
kids in the course of daily life together. We were regularly on the
lookout for the "teachable moments" of life when young hearts are
especially open and tender-on the heels of a resolved conflict is an
especially opportune learning moment for any person. We learn best
when we are out of our comfort zones and we evaluate our experiences
with others in a safe and loving environment.

There were times, like when we would be reading a captivating story
(the Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis and the Spirit Flyer series
by John Bibee-who later became our good friend-were especially
impacting. We also read Frank Peretti's novels to them as they got a
little older.) that had spiritual lessons and metaphorical references
to Jesus and His kingdom, in which I would spontaneously and
shamelessly weep in front of my kids because my heart was so moved
upon. It is deeply impacting to people when their authority figures
are sincerely vulnerable before them. We can't pay any sum of money
for the kind of relational bond of love with our kids that results
from opening our hearts widely to the Spirit of God and them.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Lessons of Life as a Dad--Lesson Three

Another idea that has "worked" well for me as a dad has been to gently invite and seek to persuade my kids, from very early ages, to adopt, internalize and own for themselves, the philosophy that Terri and I have jointly embraced about life, love, faith and family. It was our attempt to create a "team" approach to being in this world together. This value is grounded in a deep respect for each individual in our family as a beloved creation of the heavenly Father--no matter what might be their age or stage of maturity. As parents, we always believed that they were God's first, and simply entrusted to us to nurture and guide for a few years--at which time they would be launched into adulthood--still members of our family, but prepared to live with us and others as mature peers in many respects.

One of the ways that I began to introduce them to living together as a "team" was to tell them my beliefs (based in my study of Scripture) about God Himself. I don't believe that we ultimately come to know ourselves and find our bearings in life and human relations, unless we first let the mystery of God reduce us to wonder, awe and worship. So I exposed them to the biblical concepts of God that "blew my mind" in order to intentionally blow theirs too! Things like: His eternal nature, His infinitude, His sovereignty, His omnipresence, His omnipotence, His omniscience, His holiness, His justice, His humility, His love for all His creation, His choice to create "others" and make room for them in His universe, His special love and purpose for human beings, Angels and demons, Fulfilled biblical prophecies, The Trinity, His incarnation in Jesus of Nazareth, The Life, The Miracles, The Death, The Resurrection and The Ascension of Jesus, The new birth, The indwelling of the Holy Spirit and more. (a little overwhelming to our finite minds--don't you think!) As followers of Jesus, we have the greatest mysteries of the universe to offer to soothe and comfort the wounded and earthbound soul of our broken world.

This has gotten too long, so I'll have to continue in the next post! Peace out--and have a great day.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Lessons of Life as a Dad--Lesson Two

Another big lesson that I've learned as a dad is the importance of actively and naturally speaking words of encouragement to my kids. It has been said that, in order to thrive, people need a lot more affirmation for their good choices than they need correction for their poor choices. (As a pastoral counselor over many years, I have been made keenly aware of this deficiency in people's souls. This lack has led many people into being unable to receive almost any constructive criticism. They have a "knee-jerk" reaction to anything that comes close to correction. I believe that this is often because of the paralyzing feelings of extreme shame they came to associate with the overly-harsh corrections that they suffered at the hands of angry parents.)

In our culture, we reserve "eulogies" for people who have died. I wonder how many people have been allowed to peer over the balconies of heaven (please don't scrutinize the theology here too much!) and say, "Why didn't they say all those wonderful things about me when I was alive on the earth?" Actually, in Scripture, the word "eulogy" is used many times and it refers to verbally "blessing" a living person. We should be "eulogizing" one another every day--while we still have a chance to make a difference in each other's earthly pilgrimage. And make no mistake, our power to bless another can change a person's whole course of existence--even a stranger's. Still, I think that this power increases all the more when it is "verbalized", in action and word, from parents to their children--their very own flesh and blood. Parents wield a "terrible" power--for good or ill.

One of the Sullivant "traditions" that has naturally emerged in our family culture is to intentionally speak words of affirmation to a family member who's "special day" is being celebrated. Typically, we are sitting around our big table (after a true feast!) and, one by one, all the family members look the one being honored in the eye and tell that loved one something about her or him that they have come to respect or cherish or that has touched their heart. In all seriousness, some of the most profound things that I have ever heard told, have come from the lips of members of my own family speaking sincere words of blessing to other precious members of my family. (We have also had the joy of having friends, from time to time, "eavesdrop" in on one of these events and they have universally commented on the impact it has had on them.) After so many years of doing this, it is still very rare that tears do not flow freely at some point in this exercise of verbal affirmation.

It especially during these times that I remember that I am a wealthy man.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Father's Day and Life Lessons as a Dad--Lesson One

When Terri and I had been married (August 27th, 1977) for about a year
and three months, we were resting on our bed when a very strange
feeling came over me. It was a kind of "loneliness" that I had never
felt before. As I shared these feelings with Terri, I dawned on me
that it was a desire to become a father that was rising in me. We
shared that day about our mutual desire to become a parent. Almost
exactly nine months later, Luke was born--August 1979 in Little Rock
Arkansas.

Two years later in August, Lisa came into the world. Then three years
passed and Sam burst onto the scene--again in August . After moving
to Kansas City, via a short time in Michigan, and when Sam was almost
four, Mike was born--a July baby. And finally...last, but not least,
Steve arrived after another three years--hey, how did October sneak
into our family calendar?

Needless to say, we were thrust headlong into a very long stint of
parenthood. When we first talked about having kids, Terri thought we
might have two! She has been an amazing mom to our kids and I respect
her so highly for this. (One thing that she determined early on was
that she would never sacrifice our family on the altar of church
ministry. She set aside many of her God-encoded aspirations and
capacities for a more "public" kind of ministry--speaking, writing,
traveling, leading--to focus on just being a great mom who viewed her
kids as her first "ministry priority". This is one of her life
messages that I hope you'll get to hear more about in the days ahead.
And...those God-given dreams for a greater impact in ministry for
Christ?...they are now beginning to be fulfilled in her life. So watch
out world!)

When I share about parenting, I usually begin with referring to Psalm
127 verse 1:

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders (us!) labor in vain."

This is a Psalm that is much to do with God and family--and His
"senior partnership" in the enterprise. I have observed that many
parents who are Jesus-followers, are afraid and uptight about how
their kids will turn out and that this fear has long-term counter-
productive effects on the chemistry of their family relations. Sadly,
sometimes "Christian" books on parenting have only fueled the fears--
ugh.

The first lesson that I have attempted to incorporate as a dad has
been to really trust the Lord (down deep in my guts--really, really,
really) with my kids' lives and futures. This ability is empowered by
a belief that we are just their parents and that we are not the Holy
Spirit. His job is simply too big for us--duh! We have to create an
environment about our family that makes room for God to be God to our
kids, and also...for us to be us--imperfect parents who are still in
process. God has never entrusted a baby to a totally wise and mature
parent--isn't He amazing? But He has no other choice...right?

No, being a successful dad is not about being infallible. Covering up
our immaturities, failures and weaknesses as parents drives our
children's hearts away from us. Being transparent, honest and humble
about them actually, and ironically, endears them to us (Don't you
"hate that"?). They instinctively know that we haven't been and
aren't yet perfected in God's love, and they become experts at
discerning pretense--especially when they become teens. So lesson
number one is the need for dads to be vulnerable before God...and also
before our kids. It's really a great kind of relief and release when
we "go there" as fathers.

Thank God, there's more to us than our weaknesses (and more needs to
be said about this), but God does give grace to the humble. So
dad's...have a humbly happy Father's Day!

Friday, June 15, 2007

A Quote that Shaped and Directed John Eldredge's Life

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." (Gil Bailie)

This quote is found on p. 200 in my copy of Wild At Heart--John's most widely read book to date. This concept seems to me to dwell at the core of the message that the Ransomed Heart team is offering to the Body of Christ. They have personally experienced and observed far and wide the problem of nice and dutiful, but weary, depressed and bored, believers that populate the churches of our culture. And...I really appreciate their effort to address this spiritual malaise.

One of John's main prescriptions for this malady is a challenge to us to look more deeply into our redeemed hearts and uncover, discover and rediscover the unique desires that God has encoded in us. Then we must expose, face, resist and overcome the enemy who has so often succeeded at cutting us off from living out of this wellspring of heart-passion by lying to us and enticing us to agree with his lies. This, he basically says, is what has given rise to the epidemic of spiritual boredom and the impotent forms and expressions of spirituality to which it leads.

I have been intrigued and stirred by these ideas over the last few years. I'm sure that there are people who could easily twist (and have already twisted) the intended meaning of such thoughts into various counterfeit applications to their lives. But, I certainly believe that the world's needs do not dictate our specific call--there are far too many for any one person to respond to. I also believe that Jesus has come to give us abundant life--from the inside out.

One final thought: I do know that many the of things that have really made me "come alive" in my journey with Jesus have surprised me--they have often been attended by significant sacrifices, turmoil, risk and even suffering. I have also experienced pursuing things that I thought would bring me life, but which miserably failed to do so. The question that Bailie poses seems to have depths to it that we must not underestimate as we search out the answers for our personal spiritual direction. In getting to know the Ransomed Heart team members a bit in recent days, I believe that they would concur.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The Fully Alive Retreat--9/20-23/07

This post is the original longer version (that needed to be cut down in size) that Terri penned for the retreat brochure. All you ladies out there should seriously pray about coming to this retreat--even if you're from way beyond KC. There is an amazing team of women from all over our city (and from various churches) who have been brought together to host this event--they are a formidable force for Jesus and the beauty of His kingdom! Check out the website for more info and to register. There's only room for 300 and the reteat center is very fine. http://www.shalomministrieskc.org/fullyalive/


Beauty. Virtue. Well-Being. Passion. Connectedness…

These are a few desires all women share no matter where they were born or what kind of society they live in. We are born to radiate beauty, to embody virtue, to live in and to give well-being to those around us. We can sparkle with passion, exude love and forge connectedness with others in such a way that the quality of life is changed for all. Women everywhere have been uniquely fashioned by God to carry and birth life – not just through our bodies but also through our hearts and souls, to be givers of life and love in our families, friendships, and communities.

What would it be like for a woman to live from a heart FULLY ALIVE? What would it be like to “fully live”? Because we know we are far from perfect and we live in such an imperfect world, we so often settle for what “is” and stop hoping for what could be. We’ve all tried hard, failed hard and been hit hard by painful realities in life. It feels sometimes like the easiest thing to do is let our hearts get hard, to resign ourselves to being less than we know we could be. Do we even dare to look beyond what is to what could be?

It seems that God had a better plan in mind all along, explained here in Hebrews 8:10 in the Message Bible:

“This new plan I’m making isn’t going to be written on paper, isn’t going to be chiseled in stone: This time I’m writing out the plan in them, carving it on the lining of their hearts. I’ll be their God, they’ll be my people.”

Amazing, His “plan” for our lives “carved in the lining of our hearts” through Christ in us, alive in our hearts and us alive in Him. Everything we need already inside of us. Now that’s a plan!

When God our Father sent His son Jesus to earth, He sent the greatest soul who ever lived to change the world simply by being Himself. In His life, in His death on the cross, and in His resurrection He lived out His destiny as the one and only Son of God. On the other side of the cross, He turns to us and offers us eternal life and a quality of human life we cannot find any other way but by freely receiving it. He made it possible for us to discover our own identity and live out our own destiny. Might we, like Jesus, on the other side of the cross, become ”great souls “ who would change the world simply by being ourselves? Could it be that by “grace plus nothing” but responding to God’s loving initiation we would be transformed into the women we long to be?

Can you hear His invitation in this Scripture from the Message Bible?

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest…Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30

What are we carrying around that is “heavy” and “ill-fitting”? Maybe things like guilt, shame and condemnation for our weaknesses and failures. How about the “ill-fitting names” that have mis-named us, keeping us from knowing our true identity? Something about “keeping company with Him” enables us to live “freely and lightly”. When you know you are “safe” and loved with no requirements or limits, the pressure comes off of your heart. You can let down and be free. The gift of unconditional love is already yours. You just have to receive it. It’s free, no strings attached.

That gift of God’s love comes to us in as many forms and as many times as we need it. It is always free and there’s always plenty. More than that, we can “off-load” all the false names, guilt, shame, and condemnation we’ve been carrying around in exchange for everything we need. He longs to tell us who we really are, to have us hear His voice speaking to us about our true identity, revealing our true beauty, affirming His love for us over and over again. He longs to see us live “freely and lightly”, dancing to the unforced rhythms of grace. Do you sense Him drawing you, can you hear Him calling your name? “Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life.” He just asks that you “keep company with Him” so you can come to know His voice and experience His disarming, transforming love. The more we know who we are and how much we are loved, the more we can rest, let down, and give loads of love and life to those around us.

Corrie Ten Boom once told a story about some missionaries she had visited in another part of the world. She said, ‘I noticed that they had given all but not taken all”. Fully Alive is about receiving personalized gifts from the limitless store of God’s grace to awaken and unlock our hearts, restoring our souls to the beauty, identity and ability originally intended for us. He is calling your heart forth to dare to hope once again, that you might become the giver of life, the fully alive woman you long to be.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

The Famous Passage About Renewed Strength

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isa 40:30-31

As I was preparing to preach from this passage last Sunday (you can hear the message, Catching our Second Wind, online at www.metro-kc.org by clicking on sermons), I was struck for the first time (after reading it over and over again over thirty-four years!) concerning the order of the various movements--from flying to running to walking.

It seems opposite from the more natural way I would tend to think--from walking to running to flying. But God's ways are not like ours once again. As I meditated on this, I considered a possible application to our Christian experience.

When God renews our strength, the first thing the Father in heaven does is lift us up in spiritual "flight" to the heavenlies by his grace and power in order to connect us to his great heart and give us a heavenly and eternal perspective on our earthly life. Secondly, he gives us a deeper revelation and appreciation for the finished redemptive work of Jesus Christ (accomplished in all that accompanied his first coming). We are enabled to "run" back to in history and then "run" forward into our present bringing with us the strength and power of that historic act that propels us with his might into our life. Finally, our spirituality becomes practical and concrete by "walking" out the routines and mundane tasks of our present life with a sense of "life as worship"--giving substance to the reality that our very body, along with all the stuff of our humanity, are a living sacrifice--acceptable and well pleasing to God. The Holy Spirit, our inner companion and friend, in concert with the will of the Father and Son, nudges and leads us in the details of our daily walk of faith in Christ.

So, we fly to the Father, we run with the Son and we walk by the Spirit.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Living for Two Days--Part 5

Living for two days, today and that day, brings the kind of simplified focus to our earthly pilgrimage I believe that Jesus Christ has in mind for us. When I was a young believer, I said to the Lord one day in prayer, “Lord, help me to relate everything in life to you.” However, I felt he answered me with a surprising corrective response. It seemed as though he whispered immediately into my heart, “No, that’s too philosophical and detached of a way to live. I want you to relate ‘with me’ to everything in life.” It is possible to “pray without ceasing” as listening for the Lord and speaking with him about all the events of our lives becomes intrinsically woven into the fabric of our experiences. We are enabled to concentrate on many other things and give such important matters our excellent efforts and profound attention while, simultaneously, we are carrying on a “subterranean”, inaudible, sometimes even sub-conscious, conversation with Divine.

That experience has always stuck with me and I have sought to consistently engage in this interactive friendship with the Trinity in real time since that time. I certainly haven’t done it perfectly or even near perfectly, but I like to use the word “substantially” in describing it. Honestly, my “near perfectionism” theology got me into a lot of trouble with the Lord (and my wife!) in the early years of my faith life. The people I know and have read about who are most friendly with Jesus don’t seem to feel any pressure to calculate or refer to how close they really are to him. They speak more often about how much more they have yet to learn. There is a blessed “self-unconsciousness” that comes with genuine spiritual maturity. Moses didn’t know that his face was shining from being in the very presence of God on the holy mountain! I have also found that these folks tend to have a great sense of humor too. They are able to take God and his kingdom very seriously without taking themselves so seriously—like so many intensely hyper-religious souls.