last week in our small group meeting an experience i had years ago came up during our conversation. i hadn't thought about it for a long time and the leader of our group, John, thought i ought to write a blog about it to encourage those who tune in to what i've been writing these days.
i had a night vision/dream in which i saw myself over in the corner of a room all worn out and spent. then the Lord walked into the room, sat down in a big chair and looked across at me. i immediately felt very terribly ashamed and sheepishly confessed, "Lord, i'm all tired out and I don't have any strength left to offer to you". to my utter surprise, he laughed and said, "of course you don't, you have used up the strength that I gave to you. you have served me well and I am pleased with you. this is the way it's supposed to work--even youths shall faint and grow weary and young men shall fall exhausted. but do you have the courage and are you willing to come to Me to have your strength renewed--again and again and again? this is the only way that anyone can then run and not be weary and walk and not faint." [an obvious reference on the passage in Isa 40]
i realized in that moment that i had fallen under some false guilt and condemnation from the enemy of my soul who wanted to "shame me" to the point where i would be entirely drained of the boldness of heart i needed to simply and regularly ask the Lord for the strength to live a noble life of worship and service.
[the future responsibilites and challenges of life in this fallen world are often intimidating to me when i am imagining that i must engage them with the level of spiritual and physical energy and vigor i presently possess. but what if God provides fresh strength for me that is beyond me? what if this is "normal"? what if this is a regular rhythm of life ordained by a loving Father? of course he does, it is and he has. i've experienced it many many times, but i seem to forget these dynamics and lose a grip on my confidence in his coming provision when i'm worn out from yesterday's challenges. why am i so easily tricked into imagining that God is stingy and that he has only provided one dose of strength and that he expects me to live on it the rest of my life? maybe it's a daddy issue!]
in this very vivid experience, i found the courage and strength to make my way over to the Lord and climb into his lap--that was all he was requiring at that moment. he put his strong arms around me and his strength seeped into me as he held me close. the sense of shame melted off of my heart and i realized that the shame itself was something that had compounded my feeling of being so drained. [the required work of life is tiring enough. who needs the burden false guilt and shame added to it? surely, this has to be one of satan's greatest schemes.]
may the Lord Jesus Christ and our Father in heaven impart to us all the childlike boldness we need to ask for renewed strength again and again--as we need it. and may the Holy Spirit mysteriously reinvigorate us from day to day and season to season in divine response to our simple prayers. living out a genuine interactive friendship with the Trinity in real time doesn't have to be so complicated!
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